


Bar Bet

by Willowanderer



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, F/M, Friendship, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 07:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowanderer/pseuds/Willowanderer
Summary: Taako take a bet he can't win. Or Can he?but seriously guys, this is silly





	Bar Bet

In the Stolen Century they visited all sorts of worlds. Good ones, bad ones, weird ones. 

In one, gambling was a huge thing. It was not only the main source of entertainment, it was a way of life. Las Vegas world. And Taako got... annoyingly into it. He made bar bets, he made stupid bets, he had a fucking ball. Not just with the locals, but with the rest of the crew as well. And he crowed about it- absolutely lorded it over them when he won. He was massively addicted to winning.

And the rest of them got sick of it, but then, worked out a plan. They got him to agree to a contest before naming the terms.

 

“Hell yeah.” Taako was sure he could win anything. “What’s the game?” 

“Facial hair.” 

“Now wait.”

“We take a month, and Merle’s gonna shave” 

Merle winced but nodded

“And Magnus, he’s even gonna give up the side burns.”

“A necessary sacrifice.” he chimed in.

“And in a month, whoever has the best beard wins. No conjuring, no disguise, just simple growth.”

“You know elves don’t really, I mean,” Taako gestured to his face and in fact, whole body. “Grow body hair.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah, I mean, Lucretia has a better chance than me in a few years.”

“Oh thank you for that.” she commented from where she and Lup were watching this. Lup was just eating popcorn.

“Oh you know what I mean.”

“Well darn Taako.” Merle snorted. “I guess you’re just not going to win this one.”

They laughed and broke up, Merle asking Barry how one went about shaving anyway, shaving not being a thing Dwarfs traditionally did.

“I can’t believe this.” Taako fumed. “I’ve been betrayed, I’ve been tricked, I have been hustled. By my own crew. My dearest teammates.” 

“And you of course would never do that to them.” Lup drawled.

“No!”

“Especially not, oh, every day this week.” 

He gasped, looking hurt. “You too?”

“I had plans Taako. Big plans. Bedroom plans.”

“LA LAALALA” he covered his ears and she got louder.

“And they DID NOT involve Barry wearing heels and garters and walking down the main street.”

“He made it work.” 

“The daisy dukes cutoffs made it work. That’s not the point.” She threw a piece of popcorn at him, and he caught it. “Just accept it. They got you good. And hey, seeing Merle clean shaven is bound to be good for a laugh. I bet he’s got tanlines.”

Taako made a grudging gesture of acceptance, but frowned.

“This isn’t over yet.” He told her. 

“That’s right. You have thirty whole days to overcome thousands of years of elven genetics.” 

As he left he shot over his shoulder. “And I will.”

 

It was a weird couple of weeks. Magnus’s face looked small. Merle did in fact have a beard tan. Barry got scruffy. Davenport seemed to be going for shape as well as length. And Taako… Taako stayed in his room a lot.

“You know.” Magnus joked through the door. “Masturbation only grows hair on your palms.” 

“Well I’m glad to know you shave something regularly.” 

“Hey!”

 

There was less than a week left to go when Taako burst into the kitchen proudly. Lup jumped.

“I’ve done it!” he said.

“What?” 

And he pointed at his face, and sure enough, the worst kind of bad teenager mustache and beard was beginning to make itself known.

“How?”

“Oh a lot of hair growth potions. A Lot. And experimentation. With enhancements. It’s alchemy baby, not magic.” he shot her finger guns, content in his rules lawyering. 

“Oh god it’s terrible.” She recoiled physically. 

He stroked his chin.

“I dunno, I’m kind of digging it. I think I may keep it.”

“Oh HELL NO.” Leaping forward she put him in a headlock. “Clearly you slammed a bad potion, and this is an intervention.” 

“Hey hey! Wait”

Snapping her fingers she produced a focused flame and brought it towards his face.

“Holy Shit Lup!” he struggled 

“No! I am not putting up with this! I am not putting up with both of my favorite men looking like idiots, just because my brother is a terrible winner.”

“I’ve always been a terrible winner! You know that! Let’s talk about this before you scorch my face off!” 

"I’ve got spell shaping. You’ll be fine, you big baby.” 

“You’re INTERFERING WITH THE BET! It’s against the rules! I mean of the world! Do you wanna go to gambler’s prison?!” 

“You’re not going to win with that anyway! Magnus’s sideburns are already back.”

“It’s subjective! Leave my awesome facial hair alone!” 

“It is in no way awesome.”

“At least let me show the guys.”

“Taako, I love you and I am not letting you embarrass yourself like this.” 

They struggled for a few minutes and Taako finally said.

“Ok, you got me. I’ll get rid of it.”

“You will?”

“It wasn’t gonna last anyway.” 

Lup let the flame go out and let him out of the headlock. He smoothed his clothes, held up one finger, then dashed for the deck of the ship.

“I’VE GOT A BEARD!” 

“That’s cool Taako, but we all knew you were gay already.” 

 

At least it got him to stop making quite so many stupid bets.


End file.
